At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
