So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
