He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
