I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
