know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
