I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
