Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
