Your face is a jimmy john
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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