I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
