i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
