What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
