I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
