I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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