I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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