The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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