P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
