At least make sure they are 18
Why
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
