I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
