We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
