My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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