Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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