Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
