I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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