Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
