you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
