Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
