All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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