I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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