I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
