What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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