I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
