DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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