Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
