..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
