One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
