I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
