people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
