i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
