Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
