And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
