I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
