Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
