Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
