Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
