; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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