i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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