1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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