You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
