OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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