i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
