I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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